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Codependence Self-Tests 		   
   
Codependence Self-Test: Take this test for yourself or for someone you love.

Codependence Self-Test
Indicate your response to the following statements:

1. Yes No I am in a significant relationship with someone who is addicted to a substance or
a behavior, or someone who is depressed.

2. Yes No I feel responsible for almost everybody and everything, but I feel guilty much of
the time.

3. Yes No I can’t say “no” without feeling guilty.

4. Yes No I can accurately “read” other people by analyzing their facial expressions and
tone of voice.

5. Yes No I try very hard to please people, but I seldom feel that I measure up.

6. Yes No I feel that I have to protect people, especially the addicted or depressed person
in my life.

7. Yes No I live in such a way that no one can ever say I’m selfish.

8. Yes No I vacillate between defending the irresponsible person and blowing up in anger at
him or her.

9. Yes No I often relive situations and conversations to see if I can think of some way I
could have done or spoken better.

10. Yes No I feel overly frightened of angry people.

11. Yes No I am terribly offended by personal criticism.

12. Yes No To avoid feeling guilt and shame, I seldom stand up to people who disagree
with me.

13. Yes No I tend to see people and situations as “all good” or “all bad.”

14. Yes No Though I try to please people, I often feel isolated and alone.

15. Yes No I trust people too much or not at all.

16. Yes No I often try to get people I love to change their attitudes and behavior.

17. Yes No I tend to believe the addicted or depressed person’s promises, even if he or she
has broken countless promises before.

18. Yes No Sometimes I have a lot of energy to help people, but sometimes I feel drained,
depressed and ambivalent.

19. Yes No I often give advice, even when it isn’t requested.

20. Yes No I tend to confuse love with pity, and I tend to love those who need me to rescue
them from their problems.

21. Yes No I believe I can’t be happy unless others, especially the needy people in my life,
are happy.

22. Yes No I am often a victim in strained and broken relationships.

23. Yes No I am defensive when someone points out my faults.

24. YesNo My thoughts are often consumed with the troubles and needs of the addicted or
depressed person in my life.

25. Yes No I feel wonderful when I can fix others’ problems, but I feel terrible when I can’t.

Add up your totals and type them into the "Yes" and "No" boxes. (Your responses will NOT be sent anywhere, this is for your information only.)

Totals: Yes No    


  • If you answered “yes” to 5 or fewer statements, you have relatively healthy boundaries, confidence and wisdom in relationships. You can care about people without feeling responsible for their choices.


  • If you answered “yes” to 6–12 statements, your life is shaped to a significant degree by the demands of needy people in your life. You often feel responsible for the choices others make, and you try too hard to help them make the right ones. You would benefit from the input of a competent counselor or support group.


  • If you answered “yes” to 13 or more statements, you have lost your sense of identity, and you are consumed by the problems of addicted or depressed people in your life. You can’t be happy unless you are rescuing irresponsible people from their destructive decisions. In reality, however, your hope for sanity and emotional health is not in that person getting well. You have to take steps to get well whether that person does or not. Find a counselor or support group to help you gain wisdom and strength.
Resources
For immediate help . . .
  • Find a counselor: The Christian Care Network is a national referral network of state licensed and/or certified professional counselors. To find a counselor in your area, go to www.aacc.net and click on “Find a counselor.”


  • Intervention: When you’ve tried everything, but your loved one who needs help won’t accept it, consider calling someone trained to do an intervention. For more information about this service, call Jeff VanVonderen at 888-JEFF- 911 or go online to www.jeffvanvonderen.com.


  • If someone in your family is violent, threatening to become violent, suicidal, missing or acting in ways that are out-of-control, call 911 to reach your local police or emergency medical services. For chronic problems, contact your doctor or social services in your community.
Organizations . . .

Celebrate Recovery: www.celebraterecovery.com 949-581-0548

Overcomers Outreach: www.overcomersoutreach.org 800-310-3001

Codependents Anonymous: www.codependents.org 602-277-7991


Treatment centers . . .

Most treatment centers that treat addictions include a “family week” in which family members can begin to process their own pain, shame and sense of betrayal.

Sierra Tucson: www.sierratucson.com 800-624-5858

National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers: www.naatp.org, click on “Enter NAATP.org,” then click on Members. 717-392-8480

Many codependents become deeply, even clinically depressed. Contact your family physician or counselor for help.



Books to give you more insight . . .

    Attachments by Tim Clinton & Gary Sibcy

    My Husband Has A Secret: Finding Healing for the Betrayal of Sexual Addiction
by Molly Ann Miller

    Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom

    Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter & Frank Minirth

    For family members: Love is a Choice by Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth & Paul Meier

    Rooted in God’s Love by Dale & Juanita Ryan


    
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