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Home >>> Meditations >>> Change
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Meditations for Change
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Change
The hardest part of recovery is that it requires us to change. We might be intrigued by the idea of recovery. We might be inspired by stories about recovery. We might be convinced of our need for recovery. These and many other cognitive processes are relatively easy for us. But the doing of recovery will be hard because we must change. And change is difficult.
Fortunately, recovery is not some sWe understandably resist change. We are angry that we have to change. We feel shame that we need to change. And we are afraid that we will not be able to change. We know that there will be moments when we find ourselves saying "I can't do it. It's too difficult.
Change is the most difficult and the most wonderful part of the recovery process. It engages us in a major internal battle. It is not a comfortable battle. But our capacity to change is the key to our hope.
God has given us the ability to change and grow. God calls us to change. God gives us the perspectives and disciplines and encouragements we need. And, as we allow and invite him, God works within us to strengthen us, heal us and make us new.
May God surprise you with your capacity for change.
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Change and Humility
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He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:2-4
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Children are naturally curious about life. They look at everything, hear everything, want to know about everything. They are ready for growth and responsive to life. But, childhood dies for many people because of neglect, abuse and losses experienced during early vulnerable years. The eagerness and engagement are poisoned. The responsiveness to life yields to fear and shame.
It is possible, however, to reclaim a lost childhood. It is possible to change in ways that allow us to experience the wonder, the awe, the engagement in life that God intended for us in childhood.
Jesus invites us to experience this kind of change. He invites us to become like little children. Children are humble. That is, there is a straightforward honesty about their feelings and needs. This humility makes childlike awe and engagement in life possible. It is a vulnerable, humble thing to be a child. Children get tired and need naps. Children need other people. Children have more questions than answers.
But there is no hint of scolding, shaming, yelling or blaming in this text. When God finds us, he is full of joy. He picks us up and carries us home. He celebrates.
Jesus invites us to change and become like little children. It is an invitation to true humility which leads to spontaneity, curiosity and engagement in life.
Lord, I want to reclaim
the wonder and delight of childhood.
I want to be eager to learn again.
I want to be ready to love and be loved again.
Give me, Lord, the security and safety I need
to be vulnerable and humble.
Help me to be ready for surprises.
Amen
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Change and Listening
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He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.
Proverbs 15:32
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None of us enjoys it when people point out that we need to change. We don't like being told that we have switched from one addiction to another. Or, that we are allowing someone's addiction to control our lives. Or that we are running from intimacy. Or that we are behaving in ways that are destructive to ourselves or to others. We don't like hearing these things.
But we need this kind of honesty. We are not 'wired' for honest self-assessment. At the first sight of a problem we experience shame. And our defenses go up. We put our hand our ears and stop listening.
We need other people to keep us honest and to help us see what we cannot see about ourselves. Honest feedback is one of our best hopes for initiating change. As this text puts it, if we 'heed correction', we can gain a lot of understanding. So, it is good to pay attention to the 'correction' and 'discipline' we get from others. We are not helped, of course, by judgmentalism and shame - we have enough of that to last us a lifetime. But we need to cultivate relationships with people who will - with love and kindness - tell us the truth about ourselves. This information can be the starting point for change in our lives.
Lord, help me to build relationships that sustain honesty.
Give me friends who will love me enough to tell me the truth.
Help me to pay attention to correction.
Give me the courage to see myself clearly.
Keep me from shame and self-loathing.
Give me the openness to correction that makes change possible.
Amen.
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Changing Intergenerational Patterns
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For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handled down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.
1 Peter 1:19
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Change is not easy. It is a fierce battle. It can be difficult and discouraging.
Change often requires us to challenge the perspectives and rules which have sustained our family system for generations. The 'empty way of life' we are attempting to change was handed down from our parents and their parents before them and their parents before them. In a family committed to the 'don't talk' rule, for example, saying even a simple sentence may require overcoming distracting behaviors or other avoidance behaviors which have been refined over hundreds of years!. Talking honestly to a parent or sibling may be breaking family rules that have lasted for generations.
The Good News is that we have been redeemed from the empty way of life handed down by our forefathers. Jesus redeemed us so that we can be free from this kind of bondage. We can learn to talk honestly . We can learn to experience our emotions. We can learn to trust genuinely. We can engage in life. We can love and be loved.
We live in a battle between the empty way of life passed down to us and the new life that has been provided for us in Jesus. Living in solidarity with our new life in Christ is a daily struggle, but as we practice this way of life we break the vicious cycle of family dysfunction.
Lord, it isn't just me that I am trying to change.
I am up against generations of dysfunction.
An empty way of life has dominated my family for a long time.
It has been passed down to me.
No wonder it seems so hard to change.
I need your help, Lord.
Help me to find hope in your understanding of my struggle.
Help me to find hope in your gift of redemption.
Amen.
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The Change Process
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We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.
2 Thessalonians 1:4
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There is no magical formula for change. But there are some helpful principles.
First of all, change happens little by little. As this text puts it, our capacity for trust 'grows more and more' and our ability to love and to receive love 'increases'. These changes, like all of the most important changes in life, do not happen as a one-time event. An important change may require us to make a decision at a certain moment, it also requires a process that takes place over months and years.
Second, change is not a race. The change process cannot be rushed. We often want to 'hurry it up', but we can't. Change that is real and long-lasting, requires patience and perseverance. When we have been practicing our dysfunctions for decades, we can expect that unlearning them will also take time.
Third, change requires that we practice the disciplines of honesty and fellowship. There is no recovery unless we find ways to move out of denial and isolation. What a wonderful gift it is to be able to share our struggles and victories with people who will 'always thank God for us' and who will encourage us, affirm us and hold us accountable.
Lord, I want my faith to grow.
I want my capacity for love to increase.
Little by little.
One day at a time.
That's what I need.
Help me to move out of denial,
And out of isolation.
Help me to do my part to make change possible in my life.
Amen.
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Change and Hope
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But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Romans 8:24-25
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Sometimes it feels like nothing is changing. We feel like we have lost our way -- and all hope of finding it again. Ironically we often experience this sense of being 'stuck' during periods that later seem most dynamic in terms of change. Perhaps when change is rapid we are so disoriented that we are unable to see it clearly. In times like this we may not be able to see that anything is changing. It may be hard to believe that all the hard work and effort are worth it. It is during these times we are most tempted to give up.
It is a general truth that we want change to take place faster than it does. We could more easily tolerate the pain of recovery, if only we could be assured that it would be quick.
But if we insist that change happen so rapidly that we can see it every day, then our capacity for hope will gradually diminish. If we insist that our recovery always have the drama and immediacy of miracle, then we will not build the deep down kind of hope that we will need during the really tough times in life. Hope that you can 'see', Paul says, is not really hope at all. Real hope is what sustains us when we do not see change. Hope is the conviction that God has not given up on us. As long as God is committed to us, there is hope for change.
Sometimes I get stuck, Lord.
When that happens, I desperately want a miracle.
I want to change fast, very fast.
But that's not what I really need.
What I really need is you, Lord.
If you haven't given up,
then I'm not really stuck.
There is hope.
Renew my vision of you, Lord.
Help me to see again your hopefulness about me.
And your love for me.
And the joy you take in me.
Let this build again in me a capacity for hope.
Amen.
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Change and Surprise
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See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19
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Recovery involves a lot of hard work. Change and growth take effort. But we are not doing all the work ourselves. God is also at work. God is at our side in the process of healing.
Sometimes, of course, it seems like there is not much for God to work with. We see our diseases and disfunctions clearly and wonder how anything can be made out of this mess. But God is full of surprises. God can turn the most unlikely of events and experiences into opportunities to bring us new life and new hope.
Sometimes recovery seems like a desert wasteland, desolate, unproductive. We can't imagine that anything can grow here. The conditions are too hostile. It is into just such situations that God comes. In a trackless wilderness, God makes a way. In a parched wasteland, God causes a stream of water to spring up. It is a remarkable thing when God finds a path for us when we are completely lost. It is a remarkable thing when God provides nourishment for us in a wasteland. But God does, time and time again.
God is doing a new thing in us. It may be difficult for us to perceive at first. But little by little, day by day, new life and hope spring up. God can take the pathless wasteland of our lives and grow a garden there.
"Do you see it?" God asks "Can you see how it springs up? It will be a garden some day. It will yield a bountiful harvest."
I am not good at seeing it yet, Lord.
Will I bloom and grow?
Will my desert wasteland see a harvest?
Is there a path for me in this wilderness, Lord?
Are there streams of water here?
Surprise me, Lord.
And change me.
Give me the courage, hope and trust
to change a little today.
Amen.
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